I’m afraid I’m not as smart as I used to be.

I spent a few minutes this evening going over some old philosophy paper assignments. Looking at them, I can’t believe I was able to write those papers. I almost cannot imagine myself writing those papers. I vaguely remember reading some of the essay pieces but, now, I don’t remember enough to write anything coherent about them.

I wish I had been a better student.

How many things am I, are we all, half-assing our way through that we could be doing the right way? I feel that the answer is “too many”, but why? Why are we doing things that we absolutely know will hurt us in the future? Is it because we’re discounting the future value? Are we valuing the present too much?

I remember wanting to watch some TV show instead of doing one of the assigned readings. I can’t say now why that was a better thing to do other than “that’s what I wanted at the time”. I stayed up late so many nights reading assignments and writing papers that were due in 8 hours because I hadn’t bothered doing the work during the week that I was given.

I never did my best work because I never put everything into it. I could make excuses, I had a full time contracting job, I went to school full time, I had a wife and four kids. All true, but I stopped myself from doing my best. Despite all of that I was able to write the papers. Even though most of them were late.

I’m afraid I’m not as smart as I used to be but I am surely more wise. I may not be able to offer Socrates’ argument showing that there is no akrasia. But I know what’s important and I know how to prioritize and execute the tasks that need to be accomplished, shut out distractions, and complete my work.